April 10, 2007
April 10, 2007
One fine morning a man was leaving a cafe after his morning coffee,when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession A funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first.
Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog.
Behind him was a queue of about 2000 men walking in a single line. The man couldn’t stand his curiosity. He approached the man walking with the dog, “I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a
funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it? “
The man replied, “Well, that first coffin is for my wife. “
What happened to her? “
The man replied, “My dog attacked and killed her. “
He inquired further, “Well, who is in the second coffin? “
The man answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also. “
A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.
Then the first one asks in excitement ” Can I borrow the dog ? “
The man calmly replied ” Join the queue.”
April 4, 2007
Hi,
Do you use the Run feature in Windows XP? For most, this feature remains unused (or rarely used). Why is that? Well, First off nearly all of the Run Commands Correspond to a particular Control Panel Item or a Utility, Tool or Task that can be accessed through Windows. There are, however, tools and utilities that I bet you never knew you had that can be accessed through the Run feature. The main reason most people don’t use the Run feature is because they don’t know the Commands. So, to solve that problem, I decided to put together the following listing, which lists 99 Run Commands and what they correspond too… (more…)
April 3, 2007
HI friends
Follow this link to make a difference in the world
April 2, 2007
The woods were lovely dark and deep. Walking slowly beside her, in the damp mud road, was her husband whom she barely knew. He was very relaxed, happily watching a group of kids playing at a distance. Her “mehandi” was still dark and smelling fresh, reminding of the excitements and tension 2 days back. “It cant work this way mom…please stop this”, she kept telling her mother till the last moment,who wouldnt listen but carry on with beautifying her.She had been crying all night and her make-up had to be patched up twice or thrice to hide her awkwardly swollen face. It was too late now.She had to get married “NOW” to the guy…The guy whom she had seen once and talked thrice.The guy about whom she knew nothing at all but for his name and work.Everything happened in a hurry and everthing was over before she could breathe again… here was she with this guy, all alone in this hill station… how can anybody send their daughter such a long distance with a stranger??? (more…)
February 23, 2007
I never thought I would propose. Never thought couple of years back that I would do something what I thought was so absurd and stupid like this. Never thought I would make news that I reviled to hear about before. I never understood the proper sense and intent of a “Proposal” till then. In fact, I don’t understand it completely even now.
The cool strong breeze kept my eyes only half-lit, which sighted the beauty of the gloomy, dim illuminated dusk. There was a slight sprinkle around the corner, soothing and keeping the romantic effect of that magical evening at ease. It was an ideal state. It was my favorite day, preferred time of the day, proper weather and best place to be and of course she was there, the apple of my eye. The stage was set for a Perfect Proposal.
It was not that I had waited for a day like this but it just happened. I arrived there little early and kept wondering “Am I really going to do this?” The entire idea of a proposal kept me troubling all the time. This was simply because I did not intend to do this anymore. I was sitting on one bench. Slightly elevated place from where a diminished view of the entire residential area around could be seen. It was urban outskirts, I will say. No sounds, except that of the gentle breeze. No light except the fading daylight. No tribe except me. It seemed strange that I came here often and hardly saw any people around. I wondered why…..but I wasn’t here to figure that out.
I turned and eyed at the sloped passage that led me here. In fact I was waiting for her. I turned back again and started recollecting all that I had thought, I should say. As I had almost finished I heard someone walking up. (more…)
January 19, 2007
When I saw your name next to mine,
In our wedding card,
I felt blessed.
When I saw you smile,
Seeing me in traditional bride groom dress,
I felt teased.
When I held your hand,
During the marriage rituals,
I felt responsible.
When you entered my lonely bachelor life,
And changed it into a heavenly abode,
I felt lucky.
When you showed the same love as I did,
Towa rds my parents,
I felt proud.
When you scolded me,
For neglecting my health amidst my hectic work,
I felt pampered.
When I saw you scream,
Crying out of labour pains,
I felt helpless.
When I saw tears of happiness in your eyes,
As you looked at our kid,
I felt blessed once again.
All these feelings have bloomed in my heart,
But are yet to blossom in reality.
As these are feelings I long to feel,
For these are still unfelt.
WILL YOU MARRY ME??
January 19, 2007
Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers.
The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river. As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty.
She showed him a ‘match box (!)’ and asked, “Is this your computer ? Disappointed by the Goddess’ lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, “No.”
She next showed him a pocket-sized ‘calculator (!)’ and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said “No, not at all!!”
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his. The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said “Yes.”
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty.
She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, “Don’t you know that you’re supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own?” The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, “I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM!”. So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
Moral: If you’re not up-to-date with technology trends, it’s better keep your mouth shut and let people think you’re a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubts.
January 17, 2007
A woman was having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, “Dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball.”
Man – “That’s nice.”
Boy – “Want to buy it?”
Man – “No, thanks.”
Boy – “My dad’s outside.”
Man – “OK, how much?”
Boy – “$250″
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy – “Dark in here.”
Man – “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball glove.”
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”
Boy – “$750″
Man – “Fine.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.”
The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
Boy – “$1,000″
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that… that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again….”
January 10, 2007
Here are some funny epitaphs from real tombstones:
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good Die Young.
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
A lawyer’s epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June
* Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune.
Anna Hopewell’s grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:
Gone away
Owin’ more
Than he could pay.
Someone in Winslow, Maine didn’t like Mr. Wood:
In Memory of Beza Wood
Departed this life
Nov. 2, 1837
Aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in wood
One Wood
Within another.
The outer wood
Is very good:
We cannot praise
The other.
On a grave from the 1880’s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there’s only the pod:
Pease shelled out and went to God.
Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903–Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down. It was.
You are definitely a gentleman. You're very considerate and you have excellent manners.
You have the attitude and self esteem to take on anything. Failure is beyond not an option for you - it doesn't even cross your mind.
